JUST SHUT UP ELSA!!!

WRITTEN BY NANDA NAIR A

A humorous tale of the unstoppable Elsa

Elsa is hard. You cannot make her shut that gaping hole on her face. A girl who fantasize so much that she blabbers equally worse. Her stories are so convincing that you just can't stop believing her. And now she has become a pain in the neck, specially when you are forced to sit just beside her.

4th grade, 5th period, Science.

"Marie..."

"No, Elsa, no. Not this time."

"Just listen to this, you wouldn't believe it."

"Yes, Elsa, I wouldn't believe it then why should I listen to it?"

I am sure that didn't get inside her rotten, rainbow coloured head.

"65 billion light years away, Marie, there exists a parallel universe. We call it the Biniverse, THAT'S BECAUSE IT HAS A BABY UNIVERSE IN ITS WOMB!"

"What?!Elsa have you lost your mind? Just shut up!!"

"I come from that Biniverse, Maria, It has all kinds of magic. We don't have fire there, that is why I am so scared of fire, Maria"

"Elsa... Everyone's scared of fire. You would get burnt if you touch it."

"Really Maria? You would? I thought that it was too bright so that I inferred it must be very hot."

"Elsa... You would get burnt because it is very hot. Ice wouldn't burn you."

"Ice what's that? We don't have it in our Universe. All we have is magic, soil, air and people just opposite of how we have over here. You know, we have a Maria there, you but not you."

"Elsa, could you please regain your senses back?"

"And Maria, You know atoms right?"

"I wish I didn't"

"Well atoms are.."

"Elsa! i know what atoms are. Please will you allow me to pay some attention to this class?"

"Just this one. Listen to this, you wouldn't believe this. We know atoms are smaller than us and that we are made of atoms but in Biniverse, all's opposite. Components of a substance are larger than the substance."

"Flour cannot be bigger than the bread."

"I said right, you wouldn't trust me. Imagine this way, there are these large components that interlock with each other. When they meet and interact, the common area becomes the matter, or as we call it antimatter."

"Elsa, antimatter is different."

"Not in Biniverse."

"Elsa you are maniacal! Why the world do you fantasize? Keep normal and listen to the class."

"Parallel universes are way more interesting than you think, Maria. Take for example, look out, you see George playing in the playground? In Biniverse, George doesn't play. He is bed ridden."

"What?!"

"You see the birds chirping, right, don't you see? Out there, on the third branch."

"Yes, yes! oh god! I do."

"Mm.... Birds don't chirp in out Universe, they roar."

See,see she was taking this too far. Gradually i got completely drifted away from the present world and i sailed into her dream world. Now I started interrogating her, giving her affirmative replies to all her stupid notations.

"Are birds huge, Elsa?"

"Yeah, the size of three desks together."

"Oh gosh! Won't that be scary?"

"Gee! No... They are much much cuter and friendlier."

"Better than Ms. Xiam?"

"Of course Maria. Ms. Xiam is sweet but not as sweet as the birds found in my universe."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah,yeah, and you wouldn't believe this.."

This time Ms. Sofie saw us blabbering and screamed.

"You two, the tiny one over there, what are your names? Elsa and..?"

Elsa was famous for being talkative and stupid but i wasn't.

"Maria Johan, ma'am."

"Just shut up,okay?"

"Sorry ma'am, I would keep silent."

"And Elsa, behave like a 4th grader!"

Yes, she indeed was behaving like a 4th grader:immature,talkative and above all irritating. She kept still like for some 20 seconds, then began her routine.

"Maria...Do you know how to get into Biniverse?"

I just said an abrupt. 'No' but immediately said yes, hoping she would drop a subject. But instead..

"Then it is not how you think. You need a wormhole. Through the wormhole near the Grigza star system if you travel, for 2 hours or so, you will reach Biniverse. And it's a wonder, Maria, it's a wonder!"

"Are you excluding time dilation?"

"Nope. My watch works accordingly. You know what signal my watch gives me for each passing minute in out universe?"

"No?"

Then I regret the moment I said no. She did something unbelievably funny and loud. I don't get the mere idea of where she is getting the guts to act like that. There's no limits to what she can do. She cupped her month with both her palms with a hollow pen. Then using all her might she blow through it. Loud and clear. A whistle, the one louder than what you hear in theaters. Ms. Sofie in a jiffy turned away from the board and glared at me(I was trying to control my laughter) and Elsa.

"Ma'am she did it, not me" I blurted out, making the situation worse.

"You too! Enough is enough. Why do you come to school if you aren't interested in paying attention to the class.Get out now and do not enter until you meet Principal, you heard that right?"

The hollow pen fell o the floor and she kept her arms straight. I became nervous. I wa on the verge of breakdown. She nudged me to move outside. I did, because i knew i would be screwed otherwise.

And then Elsa did something extremely remarkable! She poked my elbow with hers and ended her 'engrossing story'.

"You know, maria, teachers in our universe don't scold."

It was this exact moment that I felt I had AK-47 to shoot her.